18 Years Later: The Marriage Lessons That Still Hold True

This week marks 18 years of marriage to my amazing wife. As I look back, I’m reminded of the scripture in Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.” Boy, is that true.

When I compare where I am today with some of my school friends — men my age who never settled down — the difference is humbling. Studies consistently show that married men are healthier, wealthier, and live longer than their single peers. And while stats alone don’t tell the full story, I can honestly say that God’s favor through marriage has been real in my life.

But let me be clear — marriage has not been plain sailing. In fact, as I write this, I can’t help but think of a few peers who are either divorced or on the verge of it. It breaks my heart, because I know the struggle is real. The truth is, a church is only as strong as its disciples, and its disciples are only as strong as their families. That’s why marriage matters.

As I reflect on these 18 years, I want to share three lessons that have kept us going and added value to our relationship. My prayer is that you can glean some wisdom that will not only carry you through, but help you thrive — for 18 years and beyond.

1. Jesus Has to Be at the Centre

Marriage isn’t just a contract; it’s a covenant. And like any covenant, it only works when God is at the centre. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

My wife and I are two of those strands — but without the third strand, Jesus, we would not have made it. He is the anchor in storms, the compass when we’ve lost our way, and the glue that has held us together. Prayer, worship, and keeping Him first in our decisions have been our lifeline. Without Him, we would have unraveled a long time ago.

2. It Takes Work

Marriage isn’t automatic. You don’t get a healthy marriage by accident; you get it by intention. Galatians 6:7 says, “A man reaps what he sows.” The same applies to marriage.

If you sow neglect, selfishness, or pride, you will reap distance, resentment, and frustration. But if you sow time, kindness, forgiveness, and love, you’ll reap closeness, joy, and peace. Over the years, we’ve learned that you can’t coast in marriage — you have to keep investing in it. Date nights (and I’ll be honest — I haven’t always been the best at prioritising these), honest conversations, apologies (lots of them!), and a willingness to keep choosing each other every day — that’s the work. And it’s worth it.

3. I Still Have So Much to Learn

After 18 years, you’d think I’d have this husband thing figured out. Truth is — I don’t. I’m still learning every single day. Philippians 3:12 captures it perfectly: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on…”

Marriage has been one of God’s greatest classrooms for me. It’s where I’ve learned patience when I didn’t feel like being patient. Where I’ve learned humility when I thought I was right. Where I’ve learned that love is less about feelings and more about sacrifice. And I know I still have a long way to go. But I thank God that He’s not finished with me yet — and that He gave me a partner who grows alongside me.

Conclusion

As I celebrate 18 years, I want to encourage every couple reading this: marriage is worth fighting for. It’s worth the prayers, the work, and the lessons. Don’t buy into the world’s lie that it’s disposable or that it can’t last. With Jesus at the centre

, with intentional effort, and with a humble heart willing to learn, your marriage can not only survive but thrive.

The institution of marriage is a gift from God, not just for us as couples but for the health of the church and the future of our families. So to those who are newly married, those in the thick of it, and even those who may be struggling right now — keep going. Press on. Invest in each other. And never forget that with God, nothing is impossible.

Here’s to 18 years — and to the many more to come.